so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
