woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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