where am i from again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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