I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize