Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
