we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
