you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
