it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
