Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
