my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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