shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
