he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
