You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
