I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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