hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
