It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
