i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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