I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
