i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
