I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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