at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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