Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
