he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
