Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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