Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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