Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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