highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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