she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize