I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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