I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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