'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
