we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
