also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
