Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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