okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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