im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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