Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
