I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Come on in and take your pants off
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