All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
