naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
