Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize