SEEEEXXX PLEASE
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
