You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
