I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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