i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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