so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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