wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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