My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
