clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
