So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
