i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
