so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
