I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
