And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
