They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize