we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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