at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
