I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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