Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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