I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
