i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize