people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
