No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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