note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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