Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
