I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
