oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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