eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
