Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
