He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize