Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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