no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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