advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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