I can tuck mytits in my pants
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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