Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
