so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
