and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
