Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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