i just wanna soil my oats bro
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize