Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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