This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
