I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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