i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
