why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
