I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
