i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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