You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
