This is not my ceiling
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
