hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
