So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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