Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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